Forgiveness and Forgiving Others
Many people suffer the “tormentors” (Matthew 18:34) of an unforgiving heart. When the suffering becomes unbearable, they search the dark dungeons of their already enslaved heart for the ability and virtue to forgive. They may temporarily escape their prison cell only to be captured and returned. The problem is that the power to forgive cannot be found in a sinner’s heart. The ability to forgive is very simply the result of being forgiven. Look not on the offense, or offender you are trying to forgive. Rather, look at the offense of your own sin towards God, and His grace to forgive YOU through the suffering of the Lord Jesus Christ. Forgiving will be easy in light of your own forgiveness.
G. Elmquist
Test All Things 
“Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”
(Luke 23:34)
In the Sermon on the Mount our Lord taught His disciples, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Above all others Christ practiced what He preached. “Grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.” He not only taught the truth but was Himself the truth incarnate. Said He, “I am the way, the truth and the life” (John 14:6). So here on the cross He perfectly exemplified His teaching of the mount. In all things He has left us an example.
Notice Christ did not personally forgive His enemies. So in Matthew 5:44 He did not exhort His disciples to forgive their enemies, but He does exhort them to “pray” for them. But are we not to forgive those who wrong us? This leads us to a point concerning which there is much need for instruction today.
Does scripture teach that under all circumstances we must always forgive? I answer emphatically, it does not. The word of God says, “If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee saying, I repent, thou shalt forgive him” (Luke 17:3-4). Here we are plainly taught that a condition must be met by the offender before we may pronounce forgiveness. The one who has wronged us must first “repent“, that is, judge himself for his wrong and give evidence of his sorrow over it. But suppose the offender does not repent? Then I am not required to forgive him.
But let there be no misunderstanding of our meaning here. Even though the one who has wronged me does not repent, nevertheless, I must not harbor ill-feelings against him. There must be no hatred or malice cherished in the heart. Yet, on the other hand, I must not treat the offender as if he had done no wrong. That would be to condone the offence, and therefore I should fail to uphold the requirements of righteous judgment, and this the believer is ever to do. Does God ever forgive where there is no repentance? No, for scripture declares, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1st John 1:9). One thing more. If one has injured me and repented not, while I cannot forgive him and treat him as though he had not offended, nevertheless, not only must I hold no malice in my heart against him, but I must also pray for him. Here is the value of Christ’s perfect example. If we cannot forgive, we can pray for God to forgive him.
(Arthur Pink)